A few weeks ago Culture Counter Mag sent out a call for entries with the prompt, “What I Want in a Relationship.” I don’t write often about my romantic yearnings, but it felt time to put them out there. I’m not on a husband hunt or actively looking for a partner, it feels really good to know what I want.
Ultimately, I realized it’s a feeling of familiarity and a silliness. Someone who is enough like me for a common understanding and enough unlike me to make things interesting. Read my full entry here.
When I imagined my ideal partner he was usually strong, stable, and secure. He was consistent and steady and I could rely on him no matter what…in a word: safe. That is the biggest turn-on for me is knowing a man will show up and not disappear allowing me to fully be myself without fear he will run away. And in my best relationships the men have been that, and so have most of my jobs, and friends…and my apartments. I notice a theme in my life of relying on other things/people to be safe in order for me to feel safe…which of course isn’t safe. Continue reading
The past several months I’ve been what some would call “depressed” and my therapist (and others) would call “spiritual depressed.”
I have felt dead inside, unable to see the magic in existence. I used to mock being a part of zombie land on the bus and at work, somehow it became me. Somehow I lost my sense of awe for being alive. I blame my job, but it’s my own fault. I gave up; I gave up on living a more full life. Continue reading
I had a dream the other night I was living in a large house with a white picket fence—it was my worst nightmare. My neighbors were faceless and I never spoke or saw anyone except my family (which in this case consisted of my husband and two children. Continue reading
This weekend I watched hordes of hopeful renters walk around the unit across the hall from me. After months of watching constructions works tearing apart the apartment she lived in for the past 30 years. I felt a sadness creep into my heart realizing I will probably never see my 97-year old neighbor, Dorothy, ever again. And, yet I’m also somewhat relieved. Continue reading
My latest on Elephant Journal honoring my new favorite hero/villian: Maleficent. Read it here.
I had never been loved the way he loved me. He loved me the way a man becomes a man through loving a woman–with dedication, communication, and support. He loved me the way only a Moon in Capricorn and Sun in Leo can love–with devotion, commitment, and steadiness. Continue reading
A week ago was my birthday (or Earth birth as I prefer to call it) and it was also the first day in 32 years I actually chose my life as a human. While I realize that sounds bizarre (especially to those of you who don’t identify with an elemental), I have spent most of my life wishing I could just float away into the ether. When I go to the ocean I often get lost in imagining I could dissolve into its vastness leaving nothing of myself. However, living in the clouds (so to speak) has had its impact.
I don’t know a single person who hasn’t suffered from the pangs of unrequited love. It is the stuff that haunts dreams, hearts, and souls and also inspires Shakespeare’s plays, Taylor Swift’s songs, and even some of Goethe’s poetry. I say without hesitancy it is one of the most painful experiences of being human. Continue reading
“I really like that you don’t need anything from me,” he said. I smile and nod politely, the needless, ask-for-nothing type. The truth is, that I do need something, but instead I pretend I don’t. Continue reading