Yup, that is I…a somewhat cute, somewhat entertaining, no wind in the sails, sailboat. It’s time to acknowledge I have been drifting, and for quite some time I might add, without a captain (not that I need one!) 😉 or direction of any sort. I’m relying heavily upon the motion of the ocean instead of my internal compass to guide me. Not only that but I’m moving at the pace of about 3 knots…okay, enough with the analogies. Really, let’s just face that I’m living in my parents basement, staying at my job b/c it pays, and unable to commit to anything (or anyone for that matter) b/c I don’t have a destination in mind. I feel like this is such a pivotal moment in my life without responsibilities or huge commitments and I’m staying in one place out of fear of making the wrong decision.
Then I realized it isn’t really possible to make a “wrong” decision. I can only make a decision and then accept what I did and not make it wrong, or right. (How’s that for an existentialism conversation and creating meaning??) 🙂 I take action in that I apply for jobs or research fun things to do or adventures I’d like to have, but in the end it stops there. I’m prepared to start choosing where I am and finally making a decision about what I REALLY, REALLY want for myself. Am I committing to adventure? Ending hunger? Pursuing my Master’s? Having a meaningful relationship? Don’t know yet, but I’m only going to allow myself to drift, I mean think, about it for maybe another few weeks…until my birthday at least. =) I think the sun has finally set…All I know is that it’s a big world out there and my drifting doesn’t help the wind in anyone’s sails.
Today I’m grateful for my great health care plan, my health, and my loving family.