I created this blog to remind me of who I really am, and that explains why I’ve been avoiding even coming to the site the past week…besides to post a picture of a moon and a cryptic message. To be point blank, I have had a rough past few weeks (think food poisoning, arguing with my mom, having complications from a surgery, ER visit, possibly canceling my trip, etc.) and it feels really good just to admit that. I haven’t wanted to talk about it because I didn’t really want to be present to what was going on or be a phony by writing about stuff I was thankful for (how cheesy is that anyway, seriously?).

I struggle with how to say what’s really going on when it isn’t so pleasant, I don’t want to complain but also don’t want to have a context with the people in my life that I’m hiding something. Talking about things that can be rather serious without making the situation wrong or being a victim requires a delicate balance, one I’m not sure I’ve balanced and have therefore opted to keep my trap shut.
But then I saw this flower (Attention! It gets far too deep for the Internet here!), a tulip nonetheless, my favorite! I have felt so alone the past few weeks because I have felt like I couldn’t share what I was really thinking or feeling (thank you Lauren for showing me this). (Best part, the flower is leaning toward the group, not all pictured here, of tulips as though it wants to be there instead.) I have been pretending I feel fine and that things are fine. Then I got it, there is nothing wrong with my feelings or being upset about the situation, and I have been making it so.
So, having typed that…I’m feeling more like myself already, not quite so lonerish and private. Thank goodness!
Today I am grateful for Lauren, Mr. Crab for taking me to the ER, and the dark chocolate Toblerone bar I just demolished (I have emotional eating tendencies, I admit it).


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