This week a friend of mine committed suicide and I’m struggling to express how I feel about it. I can’t say we ever hung out just the two of us, but I certainly consider him someone dear to my heart. Suicide makes me wish we had been really vulnerable with each other. A reminder that when we can be completely authentic about how we’re feeling lives can be saved. I wish he knew how much we all struggle at times, it’s called being human. I wish he would have shared about his pain. We all feel hopeless at times and even an hour or a few minutes can completely change perspective.
One of the biggest things I’ve come to understand over the past year since I really delved into my spirituality and growth is that our mind isn’t us. Just because we think something doesn’t make it true. We get to decide whether or not to acknowledge and believe whatever our brains tell us. Landmark calls it our “meaning making machine” and Buddhism the “ego,” whatever the name it doesn’t get to run the game – we do. By “we” I mean the part of ourselves that is really us who recognizes beauty, loves others (and ourselves), and lives in peace. We have access to our true selves all the time. There are days I go with me and days I go with the ego, always aware both exist and have value.
Death challenges my spiritual beliefes immensely – on one side I believe we are souls in a form and don’t really die just move onto another form (or not), on the flip side I’m sad and still fear death. Every time I hear about someone I know dying or near death I’m once again reminded of its preciousness. Maybe that’s the only purpose it serves to remind us of our life. In the spirit of Timber and remembering, I choose life – to remember its preciousness and joy. I choose life.
Today I’m grateful for Timber’s life as an incredible artist (one of his light fixtures pictured above) and human being, vaccuums (yes, I do housework on occasion), and the Community for Spiritual Living.