I’m beginning to realize a huge part of moving has to do with creating an entirely new identity, which I wasn’t quite prepared for and have no desire to do. Identities are created in relationships to others and not having as many “others” in my life here presents somewhat of problem, for my identity. We develop and reinforce identities by the clothes we wear, people we spend time with, or what we do on our spare time. Day by day I feel drawn to different clothes, different people, and different things (case in point going to an art museum one day and a comic book store the next).
Moving to SF (I’m on to just abbrev. and not even spelling out the full name of this city) gives me the opportunity to make a new identity and reinforces that I don’t want one. People struggle everyday to create an identity for themselves and become something they want to be seen as. It seems that was the entire point of middle school and high school (besides learning how not to be cool). We create identities for other people to feel that we know or are able to understand them – the whole purpose of labels is to accomplish this. The question(s) appears to be, “Who do I want to create myself as in this interesting new place? Am I serious grad student or ready to let loose and enjoy all the clubs the Castro has to offer? Am I a hippie or a foodie?”
Past posts I wrote about my split personalities in discovering who I am as either a sorority girl or hippie and realizing I am both. Hence the section on FB about being half sorority girl, half hippie, and all love (although I’m thinking all dork would be more appropriate). From a philosophic or ontological standpoint this seems basic, but from an experiencing life perspective it isn’t so easy. Without an identity everyday choices seem impossible and hard to predict. If I am everything – and therefore nothing (thank you again Landmark Education) – I am anything I want to be, which always seems to bring me back to love, joy, and vitality. Creating the identity isn’t so difficult – it’s not identifying with one that’s the hard part. 😉
Today I’m grateful for asking questions, spatzle, and coupons.