Last week I was kind of a wreck, which is why I can write about it now. I had a lot going on with school, working a lot, feeling overwhelmed by not being entirely moved in…just a lot. At one moment I was pacing the apartment building deciding whom in my building to ask for helping me move something. I never got the nerve to do it.
This morning Dorothy, my 97-year old neighbor asked me to ask someone to help her (did you follow that?). She was so comfortable requesting things from others she even asked me to do it for her!? That and the lady is adorable, she’s 97 for heaven’s sakes!? She alternates between calling me Becky, Betty, and Betsy. Sometimes she doesn’t even see me. Dorothy is able to give up what people think of her to ask for what she needs. Why can’t I follow her lead? This week I felt lonely. After feeling miserable for long enough I called a friend, funny thing was I couldn’t even ask for what I wanted them either. Just a hug.
When did I become so difficult to ask for what we need? I don’t feel weak, I’m more afraid of being a burden or others getting annoyed. Quite honestly when some people ask for a lot things I get perturbed (that word is much more fun to say than type). When I was moving I was so hesitant I wanted to pay people, one friend came over as I was attempting to move my couch by myself down the stairs. To know what we want and need is so powerful, when we don’t ask for it…our desires become unacknowledged and feel .
So why is so hard? To ask for a hug when you need it? To request help with something you can’t do alone? I’m not sure, but if Dorothy at 97 has gotten so comfortable with it, I hope I start soon. I don’t want to be a 97-year-old walking down three flights of stairs by myself.
Today I’m grateful for Dorothy, Betty, and Besy.